Marriage is an association between two people, and they are
wholesome responsible for it, both of them equally. It is like a work
in process in which you have to work on it every day, every day you
have to make decisions and take responsibility of it. There would be
lots of problems and mess and you have clear it sometimes together,
sometimes on your own.
So the point which type of marriage is more successful love or
arrange, I would say both or none. Because the mode of marriage is
not that matter, what matter is the individual in that relationship/
marriage, and what their idea about marriage. If two people have
that understanding of each other way of living and ideology and they
think that without expecting them to change they can be their part
and let them be the part of their lives than definitely that marriage
would work.
Also couples should understand that you cannot always give your
100% neither of you. Nor the ratio always would be 50 -50.
Sometime or in some stage you just can give your 30 %, its
okay….the remaining can be given by the other half i.e. the ideal
marriage. Supporting in tough days, be the strength and accept your
partner completely.
Don’t pretend in your marriage, don’t try to be the as good cook as
your partner’s mother or take care him in a similar way to show your
partner or other’s that you are best wife. You are the “wife” and you
will be the one forever and the way you are is “best” so don’t be
someone else. Trust me, initially you are doing it and may be you can
do it for long but some or the other point you are getting frustrated
and disappointed, since you haven’t share your views the other
partner would never understand that you don’t like doing that or you
are just doing for him. The person will get that she loves it and
enjoys it so let her do, in fact expects more.
In that case he is not wrong, you didn’t share your thoughts. He just
get what he is experiencing. It gave us other very important aspect
in marriage… “Communication”. Always communicate with your
partner try to understand his/her mental state. Express yourself as
much as you can and try to understand the expressions. And if you
feel that your partner has misunderstood you or didn’t get you than
talk to them, try to clear yourself and get a clear big picture of the
scenario. Also in this case whatever your partner says do listen it
completely, if you agree its good, if not try to explain your aspects
(after listening the full thing). I believe this marriage is the
relationship where we should keep transparency and benefit of
doubt, I mean the other person is your partner and your better half
you can trust him and give chance; or you can try things because he
is saying.
Another important aspect in marriage is the “space”. You are couple,
you are one unit…agreed but still you are two different individual of
different personality, choices and opinions, respect them. A
relationship will grow effectively when two individuals grow on
individual level too, specially then do not have complaints from each
other that because of you and marriage I can’t do this or that or it
would be much better if I am on my own. And this create unhealthy
rift and blame games between the couples, which create disrespect
and mean attitude. Moreover being one unit, being yourself and
specially loving yourself doesn’t make you selfish rather help you
relationship to grow and you happiness, smile they all are act as
mirror if you are happy you can make others happy too..
I believe if we hold sand very tightly in our fist it will move very
fast, and we didn’t left with anything; empty hands. Similarly in
marriage if you hold it too tightly i.e. don’t give space or privacy,
always nag or complaint or ask too many questions about everything
or every decision or didn’t accept your partner and want to change
them, than you will suffocate your partner and it won’t work. They
don’t want to live in that relationship.
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